


☔️☀️

by kinderorchestra



Category: UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tragedy, Wedding, incomplete body parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21678751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinderorchestra/pseuds/kinderorchestra
Summary: Even when everything happens for the second time.Even when life repeats itself all over again.Even when he loses all of his fingers and toes.Or when all of his limbs are deformed.He is incomplete.But even with just a single cell of him, Jinhyuk still wants him.
Relationships: Kim Wooseok/Lee Jinhyuk
Kudos: 21





	☔️☀️

**Author's Note:**

> its from ‘the empty bottle will take the rain’ psst
> 
> i’m experimenting, it’s something i wrote a few months ago in another fandom
> 
> WARNING: incomplete body parts
> 
> \--
> 
> deleted it a while ago now im reposting this

️️

—

Even after all of the unwanted things that happened, still, Jinhyuk sits beside him and beams like a sun. As if this piece of nothing that is himself is still worthy of Lee Jinhyuk.

The way Jinhyuk smiles happily when the organiser explains to him (to them) about the luxury decorations and expensive banquet. Wooseok can’t even lift his head up. He can’t bring himself to see the other man.

He keeps fiddling with the hem of his shirt, looking down at his hands, bruised and scratched from the recent accident. At the pinky finger of his left hand that was damaged badly and is now no longer there, removed, bandaged and will never grow again forever.

Then to his thighs, his legs. His crippled left leg that took a month of recovery for him to be able to walk again even with all of the difficulties.

He lost half of his sight even though the left eye is still perfectly intact in its socket, but it no longer sees.

Also his voice that is almost gone, now slowly coming back even though it is still painful to speak.

When he scratches his temple, he can feel the pain pounding inside his head. He winces at the sensation.

Jinhyuk notices and turns his head to his fiance. Worry is all over his face as he gently touches Wooseok’s arm and removes Wooseok’s hand from his temple.

“Baby, are you okay?” he asks, closing the distance between them and trying to soothe him.

After removing Wooseok’s hand, he places his hand on Wooseok’s cheek carefully (there are still some scratches and Jinhyuk is afraid his touch will hurt his lover).

Nodding and saying, “Okay,” with his small and hoarse voice.

Jinhyuk sighs and pulls him closer to put a chaste kiss on Wooseok’s forehead. Both of his hands move behind Wooseok’s back, embracing him tenderly.

“I should’ve let you rest at home,” he says apologetically.

Wooseok stays quiet. He wants to say that it is really okay and it isn’t that painful, but it feels like a lie. As if just by opening his mouth to speak, a squeak of pain will come out instead of assuring words.

He keeps his hands close to himself, not wanting to hug Jinhyuk back because he is worthless. Both of his hands are in front of his fractured ribs that are still healing, above all of the cuts he received from numerous surgeries.

He wonders why Jinhyuk is still there beside him who is incomplete, who is no longer his past self, whose parts were already removed and can’t be put together anymore.

Jinhyuk kisses his eyelid and removes himself from Wooseok to face the wedding organiser again.

“Sorry, I don’t think my fiance and I can continue it. Are you available for an appointment within two days? I mean at home,” Jinhyuk says.

Wooseok bows his head down again when he can feel the woman’s eyes on him, probably questioning why someone as perfect as Jinhyuk wants to get married to someone like him who is imperfect, incomplete.

All of the things said by the wedding organiser are left unheard and Wooseok scoots closer to Jinhyuk, attaching himself to the taller man, tugging at his blue shirt, putting his cheek on Jinhyuk’s back, inhaling the masculine scent. He can feel Jinhyuk’s soothing heartbeats. When he sneaks his arms around the taller man’s waist, Jinhyuk puts his left hand on his and caresses it, rubbing Wooseok’s knuckles softly with his thumb.

Even after all of this, Jinhyuk is still the same. Still treating Wooseok like usual. Still loving and caring. Wooseok honestly don’t understand why.

-

“So pretty,” Byungchan says and smiles as he combs Wooseok’s soft hair carefully.

A small part of his head is still bandaged, so the other man is trying to avoid hurting him.

Wooseok’s right hand rubs the back of his left hand consciously. Suddenly he feels small. With someone as gorgeous as Byungchan complimenting him like this, he feels stupid and out of place.

When Byungchan sees that, he lets out a sigh and smiles. Putting both of his hands on Wooseok’s to make them stop, separating them from each other. Then he moves his hands to Wooseok’s slumping shoulders and pushes them back to make him sit straight. He starts combing Wooseok’s hair again, untangling the knots one by one, carefully and tenderly.

“Why are you so unconfident these days?” he mumbles. “You used to be so unbeatable. You said to every girl and boy who approached Jinhyuk that they were just a speck of dust?”

If he wasn’t in this kind of condition, Wooseok would definitely laugh at what Byungchan just said. He stays quiet. Aware of his appearance right now. His shoulders slump again and he bows his head. The nine existing fingers are fiddling with the soft towel draped over his thighs.

Byungchan puts the comb down when he is done with Wooseok’s hair. He sits beside the older man and reaches for Wooseok’s right hand. He slips his fingers between Wooseok’s, intertwining them and squeezing gently. He smiles as Wooseok watches with innocent blinks.

“Listen,” he starts speaking, looking at Wooseok’s starry eyes (but now there is only one universe and the other one is just a black hole, dark and swallowing). “All of us love you and no matter what happens to you, you are still beautiful. Jinhyuk-hyung will be the one agreeing to this the most. He loves you so much that in his eyes there’s nothing more beautiful.”

Wooseok looks down and blinks. Byungchan knows that Wooseok is still unable accept himself.

“Wonder why…” A small voice comes out of his mouth and he‘s not even sure if that is his own voice or not.

Byungchan smiles and squeezes his hand once more before letting go. “He only loves you,” he says, putting his arms around Wooseok’s smaller frame. “To him, there’s no one else but you.”

Wooseok’s hands slowly make their way to Byungchan’s back and his cheek rests on Byungchan’s shoulder. He breathes in Byungchan’s scent, something that smells like a whole beautiful and colourful garden a few steps away and it calms him down.

When Byungchan laughs, he can feel the vibration in his chest and Wooseok smiles.

“I want to be like you,” he suddenly blurts out.

“Hm?”

Byungchan leans down to put his cheek on Wooseok’s.

Wooseok puts all of his weight in Byungchan’s arms as if asking to be blanketed and lulled to sleep. He nuzzles Byungchan’s neck.

“You are so perfect…” Wooseok whispers. He tilts his head up and his eyes meet with Byungchan’s. “You aren’t incomplete…” he adds.

Wooseok squeaks in pain when Byungchan suddenly squeezes him. He moves back and rubs his arms.

“What are you talking about? You are also perfect!”

“You know what I mean…” Wooseok says as he moves his eyes down to stare at his missing finger. They are incomplete. His whole body is.

Pinching Wooseok’s cheek, Byungchan laughs sarcastically. Wooseok yelps and nurses his cheek with the palm of his hand.

“Who cares about that shit? If looking at yourself in front of a mirror is not going to convince yourself that you are cute, I recommend you to look at yourself through Jinhyuk-hyung’s eyes.”

Wooseok grabs one of his pillows and throws it at Byungchan. The later catches it and throws it back to Wooseok. Wooseok laughs as he receives it and throws it again.

They are unaware when the door is open and a tall figure comes in with a smile on his face, watching them fighting each other with Wooseok’s pillows, playfully and just like what they usually did before. He really wants to step in because he is afraid that Wooseok will hurt himself, but this is the first time ever since that accident that Wooseok looks visibly happy. He sighs and scratches his eyebrow awkwardly, waiting for them to notice him.

But they don’r notice him until Wooseok finally screams in pain and Jinhyuk rushes to his side in panic.

With both of his hands, he checks on Wooseok frantically.

“Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

Wooseok lifts his head to look at the other man and moves back, both of his hands are placed on Jinhyuk’s shoulders and they subconsciously pushes Jinhyuk away, trying to create some distance between them.

Jinhyuk raises an eyebrow and steps back.

“I’m sorry…” Wooseok says when he realises. “I’m okay…”

Byungchan watches in worry. He scoots closer and puts his hands on Wooseok’s shoulders.

“Sorry,” he says.

Wooseok shakes his head. He puts a hand on Byungchan’s thigh and moves closer to rest his head on the younger man’s shoulder.

“I’m fine.”

Even though his body wans damaged, nothing is worry worthy. The scream of pain comes out because Byungchan simply hit to hard, but it didn’t hit fatal areas.

Byungchan hugs him apologetically. He tilts his head up to look at Jinhyuk who looks confused. He blinks his eyes and darts his eyes towards the door to give Jinhyuk the signal to leave the room but Jinhyuk glares at him.

“The wedding organiser is here. I need my fiance to come with me,” Jinhyuk says.

At that, Byungchan snorts. A mocking smile is on his face.

“Just go and speak with that lady by yourself. Wooseok-hyung doesn’t want to go. Why are you so insensitive?”

Wooseok bits his lower lip, preventing himself from smiling (or worse, laughing) at what Byungchan just said to Jinhyuk. Ever since they were young, Byungchan is the one who understands him best and he has never disappointed Wooseok. He puts his arms around Byungchan’s waist and hugs the younger man tightly in gratitude.

Jinhyuk lets out a sigh in defeat. Both of his hands are limp on his sides.

“But this will also be Wooseok’s wedding…” he saya.

Byungchan makes a face and pulls Wooseok down with him to lay themselves on the bed. He grabs the comforter and drapes it over them, covering himself up to his chin and Wooseok’s whole body with it.

“Wooseok-hyung said he likes whatever so you can say and do whatever about your wedding. Wooseok-hyung is chill. We are going to take a nap together now. Good day.”

“It’s nine in the morning,” Jinhyuk says after a while.

Byungchan pretends a snore and Wooseok’s muffled snort can be heard.

Jinhyuk smiles when he hears that. He moves closer and sits at the edge of the bed. He gently pats the comforter where Wooseok is and scoots even closer. He stares fondly at Wooseok’s head that is peeking from underneath the blanket. He leans down to place a chaste kiss on top of Wooseok’s head, over the soft locks, while whispering ‘I love you, Kim Wooseok’ repeatedly.

When Wooseok tenses, Byungchan’s hand emerges to slap his arm and Jinhyuk shouts in pain.

“We are going to nap.”

He retreats his hand again inside the blanket.

“What the hell. Fine.”

Jinhyuk gets up while nursing his head. He walks towards the door while still staring at the top of Wooseok’s head.

When he reaches the door, he smiles and exits the room.

-

Wooseok doesn’t remember the pain when he escaped from the speeding car that his chauffeur drove and fell to the asphalt road, then another car hit him and broke almost all of his limbs. He almost lost the whole left side of his body. His damaged pinky finger was removed so he could live on.

When he woke up, all he felt was pain and he didn’t remember what happened, leaving a lacunae inside his memory. They gradually came back and he finally remembers everything except the pain he felt when the accident happened.

Sometimes, when the pain wakes him up in the middle of the night, when he can see all of the cuts and scratches from the reflection on the full body mirror in his bathroom that he once loved before, when he tries to walk with his crippled leg, when he looks around and his view is limited, when he touches something and notices that a finger is missing, he wishes he died at the time of the accident.

But Jinhyuk is there, repeating his words of gratitude when he woke up, holding him close and kissing him all over his face. They were already two months engaged by then and to Wooseok’s surprise, Jinhyuk managed to convince their parents to allow him to marry Wooseok in a short time after the hospital discharged him.

There is also Byungchan who helps out with his recovery. When he is down, when he wants to ditch everything and stay on his bed until he dies, Byungchan, their childhood friend, will come to cheer him up and force him to recover. He is always there when Jinhyuk can’t come and stay at the hospital because of work.

Now, the thread between life and death is getting longer as he slowly heals.

Sometimes when he looks at himself, when he feels the pain, all he remembers was is Jinhyuk still stays beside him, loving him just as much as he loved him before. Nothing has changed. If any, Jinhyuk loves him even more than before, wants to keep him safe all the time, wants to hold him close and never let go, he will never let Wooseok experience the same thing ever again.

Every time Jinhyuk takes his hands and kisses his knuckles one by one (and makes Wooseok even more aware that one of them is missing) or when it is his lips that Jinhyuk took, Wooseok slowly regains his confidence, but it drops low again when he has to face the world outside.

Byungchan always tells him to think that everything is normal, everything is just the same. The changes in his body will never affect what’s between them. Wooseok wants to believe.

Wooseok wants to believe, but reality hits hard when he holds Jinhyuk close and Jinhyuk rolls together with him on their shared bed. All the things that he lacks of, he can feel them every single of them every time.

-

Pain is all he can feel when he tries to breathe.

His chest heaves and it is difficult to take the oxygen in, as if the air is thinning and no matter where he runs to, he will never get to breathe again.

The whole world is feverish and drops of sweat start to show up on his forehead.

Byungchan frantically searches for tissues. When he finally finds a pack of them, he grabs some and approaches Wooseok who is sitting in front of the mirror, hyperventilating, under the air conditioner that doesn’t even seem to work under the pressure that Wooseok is feeling.

The younger man gently wipes the sweat from his forehead and tries to calm him down.

“It’s okay,” Byungchan says. “Breathe in, then out. Slowly. Don’t rush.”

Wooseok nods and tries to control himself.

The suit on his body feels like a thick second skin and he quickly takes it off. He throws the piece of clothing to the carpeted floor and starts to break down, howling like a stupid toddler.

He can’t be like this. He can’t go out like this. He cries and it is only the right eye that is letting out streams of tears.

Byungchan puts a hand on top of Wooseok’s head and caresses him there, trying to soothe him and reassure him with whispers of courage. That he will be able to pass this day as well as he took his first step after a long period of therapy.

“Seungwoo-hyung messaged me just now,” Byungchan says suddenly, while looking at his phone that is upturned on the coffee table, the screen is black. Then he looks at Wooseok again. “He is in the chapel. He said, Jinhyuk-hyung is so happy and he is nervous.”

Wooseok clenches his fists. All his mind wants him to do right now is run away and never show up in Jinhyuk’s life again.

Byungchan is still there and he takes Wooseok’s hand, gently trying to pry the fists open, holding the younger man’s hands and intertwining their fingers.

“Kim Wooseok-hyung, Jinhyuk-hyung wants you to be his husband, ever since you two were in the elementary school. Nothing is going to change. His love will never change. My love too. I love the both of you and want you two to be happy. So please calm yourself down and walk down the altar like you two planned to do eighteen years ago,” Byungchan says.

“But…” Wooseok starts with that hoarse voice again. “People will-”

“People WON’T,” Byungchan interrupts. He puts Wooseok’s palms together and envelopes them inside his larger hands, rubbing them together. “If so, I will be the one burning them alive with flint and steel.”

Wooseok tilts his head up to look at Byungchan. He blinks his eyes when Byungchan raises from his seat and pulls him along too. He starts to walk towards the door while dragging Wooseok with him. Wooseok turns his head back to the suit he threw to the floor earlier, the thing he is supposed to be wearing on his wedding day. He wants to speak, wants to tell Byungchan that he isn’t wearing his suit, but he starts to feel pain in his throat, so he lets it slide.

Towards where the wedding venue is, Byungchan pulls him.

And Wooseok controls his breath.

No more breaking down in front of so many people.

For Jinhyuk, for Byungchan, he has to be strong…

-

And when the double doors creak open, Jinhyuk turns his head to its direction and smiles.

Wooseok is there, beaming at him.

He isn’t in a good shape. The suit he is supposed to wear is not on him, some parts of his thin shirt are sticking to his skin that Jinhyuk wants to run to him and cover it, his face is a mess and there is only one cheek that is wet with tears.

Byungchan, their childhood friend, their younger brother, is right there, holding Wooseok by the wrist and shoving the younger man to his father who has been waiting for them.

Wooseok’s starry eyes never leave Jinhyuk as he takes his steps towards him with his visibly limping steps.

But Jinhyuk is there in front of him, just a few metres away, and he slowly opens his arms to welcome Wooseok.

When Wooseok finally falls into Jinhyuk’s embrace that day, he knows that the other will never have it any other way, he will never let go, no matter what happens to them.

Even when everything happens for the second time.

Even when life repeats itself all over again.

Even when he loses all of his fingers and toes.

Or when all of his limbs are deformed.

He is incomplete.

But even with just a single cell of him, Jinhyuk still wants him.


End file.
